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Have you been the target of a bully? Have you acted like a bully?
Nope, not going to do it. It's about me right now and that's a good thing. There are some people that will never change, confronting them won't help. I started school this week, and am moving on, including a new congregation (because my school is out of town). I've tried standing up on other issues with some of these people, and believe me, confronting them would be like spitting in the wind. At some point, I just had to shake the dust from my sandals and move on. I just don't want to be hurt anymore, especially at church. Am starting fresh.
Posted by: kathy
Posted: 9/3/2008 6:57:04 PM
Kathy (post of 8/12/08) is still being bullied by remaining silent, and allowing her bullies to attact others. She should try, somehow, to confront those involved and make them understand how damaging their attitudes and actions are. Especially her fellow "church family'.
Posted by: Barbara
Posted: 8/31/2008 2:15:18 PM
Thank you Joanna for suggesting another resource on the topic. I will add it to the Tip Jar page with the other links and books.
I think you bring up an important point. Sometimes we are not the target, but rather the witnesses. It takes courage to stand up for the target of a bully. As Christians, we are called to do so.
Posted by: Elizabeth McBride (Chicago, IL)
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:35:40 AM
I have been fortunate not to have been a target -- just on the periphery, stuck working in a three-person office with the Target and the Bully, who did of course have the support of management, so nothing the Target or I did was worth much to end the situation. We both ended up with other jobs -- probably management's plan in the first place, since they were new owners who, I think, wanted to "clean house" without saying they were going to. Anyway, I do know the author of another book on the subject that could be added to the resources: "Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace" by Noa Davenport.
Posted by: Joanna
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:56:21 PM
Thank you to everyone who shares their bullying stories so those of us who have experienced don't feel "crazy!" And great artcle especiallye explaining the Biblical point of view. Hope to use it in an upcoming sermon. Thanks.
Posted by: Janelle (Naperville, IL)
Posted: 8/15/2008 4:11:18 PM
Congregation: Our Saviour's Lutheran Church
Our last "pastor" used bullying as a way to gain and maintain power. As a staff member I became a target because I was a threat to his total control. Council members who only saw him on Sundays and the occasional council meeting were clueless. I thank God for those who knew the situation and were supportive. No pastor should ever be allowed to bully. If anyone reading this has a similar experience please go straight to your bishop. We now have a wonderful interim -she hasn't lied to me or about me or yelled at me even once :)
Posted by: Angela Maria
Posted: 8/14/2008 12:45:41 AM
Bullying can also be done with "niceness". It is so smooth and welcomed you don't know what has hit you until you catch the smirky smiles and snears behind your back. Somehow you have to just not care whether the bully likes you or not and just exist at the job, church or event until it is time to leave. Just don't live with one. They suck the life out of you. But God will put resources in your life to help you thru it. I did.
Posted by: nc (Bluefield, wv)
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:51:45 PM
Congregation: Immanuel
Wow! I am not alone! I was bullied at work (taught in a school). It was a place where some of the rules applied some of the time to some of the people. Kids who were from the "wrong side of the tracks" were often bullied, as were the teachers that stuck up for them. One spring I found myself in the ER, thinking I was having a heart attack, the next spring it was stroke symptoms. of course, it was stress. The bullying was subtle. I have a masters degree, was considered by others (not at this school) to be an excellent teacher. But, I was bullied at my school by the administration, teachers, some students and their parents - anonymously. I left a job where I was bringing home 4 grand a month. to do nothing. I appreciate my husband's understanding!! I am in the midst of changing careers and am going back to school this fall to become a chef. (so those of you in my Bold Women group... yes, it's me!!!) Some people recommended that I get a lawyer and pursue it, but I figured these folks would just fight dirty anyway and my health and happiness was too important to go through years of stressful litigation. Of course, I had brought up the issues with my administrator's superiors, but that didn't help at all. Bullies have a way of sticking together. In retrospect, I was incredibly naive (although old enough to know better). I am glad I am out of that situation. Although much poorer, financially, I am much happier and relationships with others, especially my husband, has improved. What was disappointing was that there were members of my church family involved in the "anonymous" bullying, which has never been addressed. I don't think they know that I know. And I'll leave it that way.
Posted by: Kathy
Posted: 8/12/2008 1:44:20 PM
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