When bullies get to work, how does a Christian respond?
by Elizabeth Hunter

Chances are, when you hear the word “bully,” a certain image comes to mind.

Perhaps you remember your own or a classmate’s encounter with a bigger kid who ruled with a meaty fist, taking smaller kids’ lunch money or beating up kids after school. But many of us women remember other school bullies, too. You know the ones: The “queen bees” may have been few, but they double-majored in popularity and snide putdowns of those not in the "in" crowd, and they did their best to manipulate situations behind the scenes and socially isolate their targets. They were immortalized in such popular films as Heathers and Mean Girls.

But high school was a long time ago. That kind of behavior was shed at graduation. Right?

Not according to the U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey. In September 2007, Zogby International interviewed a sample of more than 7,000 adults and found that 37 percent of workers in the United States (54 million people) have experienced bullying on the job, in a wide variety of workplaces. Those affected, when witnesses are included, make up 49 percent (71.5 million), basically half the employees in the United States.

So what is workplace bullying? It’s not simple incivility or rudeness, according to Gary and Ruth Namie, authors of The Bully at Work: What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job. Here’s their definition:
“Bullying at work is the repeated, malicious verbal mistreatment of a Target (the recipient) by a harassing bully (the perpetrator) that is driven by a bully’s desire to control the Target. That control is typically a mixture of cruel acts of deliberate humiliation or interference and the withholding of resources and support preventing the Target from succeeding at work. . . . Remarkably the organization’s resources are predictably marshaled in support of the bully instead of the wronged Target. . . . Unchecked [this] quickly escalates into a hostile, poisoned workplace where everyone suffers.” (The Bully at Work, pp. 3-4)

Unlike overt physical violence, workplace bullying is more subtle. If you’ve ever walked away from a work bully wondering what hit you and why something so childish hurt so much, you’re not alone. Zogby researchers found that bullying disproportionately affects women. 57 percent of bullies targeted women, and 71 percent of these women were bullied by other women.

Although there is legislation and awareness regarding workplace bullying in Europe, the tendency in America is to blame the targets of bullies, say the Namies. They’ve chosen to call the bullied “targets” instead of “victims” to help the bullied realize that they are not helpless.

Bullying is four times more likely to occur than sexual harassment, the Namies say. And unlike cases of sexual harassment, most American employers do not have rules or policies that explicitly prohibit bullying.

When one bully or a small pack of bullies tear you or others down, what are you supposed to do? Here are four ways to take your cue from Scripture:

1. Love your neighbor as yourself, respecting and praying for everyone involved.
 
For your own sanity, you must distinguish between the person who is harsh but applies standards consistently and fairly across all staff and the person who singles you out for cruel treatment. Don’t take responsibility for a co-worker’s behavior, only your own. And accept that you can’t trust or change a bully.

Even if the bully believes that her disrespect is merited, demeaning comments can be met with calm demands, such as, “There is no need for you to belittle me. We are both professionals here. I treat you with respect, and I expect you to treat me the same.”

Try not to attack or defend. Imagine someone altering a photograph of you. You wouldn’t own it. You’d laugh at how ridiculous it looked.

God’s picture of you is a vast ocean of possibility and love (so is God’s picture of the bully, even if she doesn’t seem to know it). Find affirmation in Jeremiah 29:11: “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.”

2. Do not bear false (or silent) witness against your neighbor.

When someone makes a cutting remark or spreads a rumor about a co-worker, nip it in the bud. And if you yourself are engaging in bully behavior, get help for anger management or talk to someone who can help you learn new ways of dealing with stress.

3. Don’t be naive, or as Jesus said, “See, I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16).

If you are being bullied, avoid participating in office gossip (hard as that may be!). But remain aware of office politics. Watch what’s going on, and pay attention to what’s being said and what’s not being said. Is there a need to assign blame for things? Is someone trying to smear a co-worker’s character, and if so, to what end? Is the bullied person a potential sacrificial lamb? Understanding some of the dynamics may help you better navigate your current and future work environment.

Consider and pray about whether (and how) to talk to your supervisor about the situation and how it affects the work. If you decide to say something, make sure you don’t seem angry, whining, or complaining. The Zogby researchers actually found that in 62 percent of cases, employers who learned about workplace bullying did nothing or made the problem worse.

Eventually, you need to talk to someone. So consider carefully whether it’s better to speak with a pastor or counselor not employed by your company. This can help you get an outside perspective.

If you supervise someone who is bullying, take steps to defuse the situation. Make it known in a setting where all are present that such behavior will not be tolerated, regardless of who is involved. List possible consequences. You can also salt the rumor mill with positive remarks and reassure targeted employees of their value and the fact that the employee doing the bullying has no power over your good opinion of them. Telling a bullied employee where he or she stands with you and regularly checking in with both compliments and concerns can take a bully out of the powerful middleman position they’d like to create between you and your employee.

4. Know when to walk, or as Jesus said, “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your sandals” (Matthew 10:14).

Nearly half of people bullied at work develop health issues due to stress and fear that their livelihoods are threatened, the U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey found. To stop the bullying, 77 percent of respondents who were bullied eventually left their jobs. Some might say that’s letting bullies win, but the Namies urge doing whatever is best for your health and family life. The survey noted another effect of workplace bullying for employers: turnover of an estimated 21 to 28 million employees in recent years.

Yet here's the thing about bullies anywhere: They don't have power in isolation. It takes a village to give them power.
And it takes a village to begin to blur the difference between being competitive — athletically, for example — and being cruel. Today, in sports and beyond, there's a loss of respect for our neighbors. Large crowds at soccer events in Spain boldly hurl racial epithets at players of African descent. Audiences applaud as judges on shows like “American Idol” mock contestants who were promoted only to provide targets. Even some journalists no longer objectively deliver news, hoping for the applause of higher ratings if a snide comment here and there reflects viewers' worst thoughts.

As a culture, we have accepted bullying as fun, as entertaining. But it is a way to avoid self-examination. Bullying helps us avoid playing with those who aren't like us. And doesn't Jesus command us to "love one another?"

Elizabeth Hunter is an associate editor for The Lutheran magazine and a member of Holy Family Lutheran Church, Chicago, Illinois.

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