by Andrea L Walker

As a new pastor, I was often questioned and challenged about who I was, where I came from, or whether I knew what I was doing. It was a constant struggle in a congregation that never had a woman pastor before. Of course, I had done my time in seminary and got good grades even though once a professor came to me surprised that I had authored an A+ paper. As an African American Woman, this happened far too often.

I was questioned about my hair, my clothing, my way of doing things.

It was discouraging, always trying to prove that I was smart enough or good enough to be in the places I found myself. Yet, I never deterred or hesitated. This is because I had two examples that helped me know my worth.

First, was my mom. Ever since I was a little girl, my mother taught me two things: 1). You are as good as anyone, and 2). You can do anything you put your mind to. My mother knew this from experience. She went back to school after three children and a divorce. First, she got a GED.

She could not graduate with her high school class because in the late 1950s, when you were with a child (that is what they said then), even if you were months away from graduation, you left school, got married, and became a homemaker. This was a socially acceptable thing. When her marriage did not work, she took her girls, went home to her mother, and at first worked an extremely hard job until she could get an education.

She went to business school to earn an associate’s degree while she worked full-time and raised her girls. She would come home from work and class tired and worn out. Yet she knew she had to study. After we finished our homework, we helped my mom with hers. She would enlist me to call out her vocabulary words or to quiz her so that she would do well on her exams. This helped me to see the importance of education, studying, and trying even when it was hard.

It was hard for my mom, yet she could say that you can do anything you put your mind to because she set her mind to going to school and raising her girls, and she did it. No matter who questioned her worth, she carried herself as though she was as good as anyone. She had internalized being “fearfully and wonderfully made.”

This was my example: a mother who struggled yet persisted. She poured into her girls this idea that we could do anything, and I internalized this even when I did not know it. I would walk into places sometimes, unsure if I should be in a place. And then I would hear that whisper, “You are as good as anyone; you can do anything you put your mind to.”

My second example was a little Lutheran congregation in East Point, Georgia. I walked into St. Mark’s because of an urging from my young son. He had spent a Summer in Pennsylvania going to Vacation Bible School with Granny. So, he came home asking to go to church and wondering why we didn’t read the Bible. He had made one out of soap that Summer. Because of this urging and the remembrance of a family of faithful women, I hesitantly walked into St. Mark’s.

At St. Mark’s, I was welcomed into the community, though at first, I was full of fear. I sat in the same corner every Sunday with my son, and I listened to the preacher proclaim the grace and love of God. We were baptized, and I began internalizing grace, love, and understanding that God valued me.

I began to understand how and why the Psalmist could proclaim, “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works that I know very well.” This proclamation helped me understand that God thought I was as good as anyone. It wasn’t just my mom.

I began to live out being fearfully and wonderfully made. The more I attended church, the more I felt loved by God and the members of St. Mark’s. I soon began to help with Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, and other church ministries. The people of St. Mark’s became my family. Yes, I had my mom’s voice assuring me of my value. Then, as a young mother, I met a community that took me in, taught me, and helped me to know God’s love.

They began to encourage the gifts they saw in me. For a long time, I was afraid to go to seminary. I was a divorced single parent. I was afraid that I was not worthy to be a pastor. Yet, I am experiencing the grace and love exhibited by this faith community, along with the ever-present voice of my mom in my head. Knowing my worth, I dared to try.

Here I am, years after that first call, knowing that it does not matter what anyone thinks about my hair, my clothes, or the way I do things. I understand that knowing our worth means walking confidently, not because of what we have or what others say, but because God’s word declares us worthy. I know my worth because of God and because of my MOM!
I, like the Psalmist, give thanks!

Discussion questions:

1. Who or what helps you to know your worth?
2. Knowing your worth, what is it that you dare to do?
3. How can we help others understand their worth?

Closing prayer:

Gracious God, help us to live out your vision of being fearfully and wonderfully made. Give us an ever-present voice that tells us we are whole, we are loved, and we have value because it is you who declares us worthy. Be with us as we stand firm in that knowledge. In Jesus name, Amen.

The Rev. Dr. Andrea L Walker currently serves as pastor of the historic 180-year-old congregation, St. Paul’s Lutheran Church in Washington, DC. She previously served in the Global Mission unit of the ELCA as the Area Director for Madagascar, West, and Central Africa. Her superpower is crossing over borders and boundaries of difference to create community.